old punks web zine

Pappy Punk's Geriatric Dance Frenzy
All Dead But Here For Reference

Hey kidz! It's me, yer old pal Pappy Punk!!

I am the punk rock DJ on W- O*L*D
Playing all the (s)hits for you whatever you may be
The gruff good-F-U voice who's heard but never seen
Feeling all of eighty-five going on fifty


Songs are being used for educational and promotional purposes only. No money has or will be made off this, and please don't use these songs for your own profit. Ownership of these songs remain with the songwriters and bands, and please support them both financially and with thanks, support, and a widdle bit-o wuv.

  Hey kidz, it's me, Pappy Punk! I'll be visitin' with ya every other week to keep you up to snuff on old (and newish) stuff you should know about. What's that Sonny, about what? Bands, memories of punk rock daze past, and other things I should write down so's I don't fergit! Heh heh. Until next time, drink your Metamucil and live your life as a refusal of the status quo!

Cock Sparrer - "Spirit Of '76"
Adam And The Ants - "Puerto Rican"
The Go-Nuts - "Snik Snak Skaduliak"
Even In Blackouts - "Dear Resonance"
False Prophets - "Good Clean Fun"
Talking Heads - "Born Under Punches (The Heat Goes On)"
Toots And The Maytals - "Broadway Jungle"
J Church - "New York Times Book Review"
The Anniversary - "The D In Detroit"
Tuxedomoon - "Incubus (Blue Suit)"
NoMeansNo - "The River"
Anti-Scrunti Faction - "Slave To My Estrogen"
2.3 Children - "Drunk In The Afternoon"

  Pappy Punk's back with another collection of ditties to sink your dentures into! Back in the day we had to slam dance ten miles each way, in a square, in the snow, without shoes! Jes kiddin', it was only five, we wore flip-flops, and the "snow" was up our noses! Heh heh, boy did we age poorly. Remember, punk might be very old and forgets to take its medications regular-like, but it's not dead. Yet.

Sea Monster - "Sex Puppet"
Art Attacks - "Neutron Bomb"
Rank And File - "The Conductor Wore Black"
3 Minutes - "Automatic Kids"
The Payolas - "Juke Box"
Puncture - "Mucky Pup"
Roach Motel - "Brooke Shields"
Sludgeworth - "Anytime"
Splodgenessabounds - "Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps"
Rumble Fish Soundtrack (Stan and Stew) - "Don't Box Me In"
UB40 - "One In Ten"
FYP - "Buried"
Alaska Cowboys - "Herpes In Seattle"

 Pappy Punk's back in the house! More like the retirement home but I'm still smashing the state by swiping apple sauce cups and refusing dialysis. Die of old age in your fifties and leave a shriveled up corpse! That's Pappy's motto, along with "used dentures will keep you from being indentured to the dental-industrial-complex" and "Where's Pappy's meds, dag-nabbit!" I'm jes' funnin' with ya. Pappy deals and always has enough for hisself. Yep he do.

Reagan Youth - "I Hate Hate"
Space Cookie - "Guns, Butts, And Glory"
Angry Red Planet - "Mediocrity"
The Crumbs - "Dead Boys Too"
The Fabulous Poodles - "Toy Town People"
Justin Hinds - "Rub Up, Push Up"
Robert Gordon - "Something's Gonna Happen"
X - "Johnny Hit And Run Pauline" (demo version)
Ultravox - "Rockwrok"
Back To Zero - "Your Side Of Heaven"
Leatherface - "Lorrydrivers Son"
Jets To Brazil - "Morning New Disease"
23 Skidoo - "Hawaii 5-0"

  I've been a member of AARP (Ancient Anarchist Recidivist Punks) for years, if not weeks, and not just for the discounts on Maalox cocktails and Pit Proud brand disposable undergarments. Well, mostly for the leak-proof undies, but I do save 10% on afternoon punk rock bowling.  Until next time, the early bird gets the worm in the tequila bottle and 1/3 off on meatloaf, potatoes, and a choice of either soup or a house salad!

Skafish - "Disgracing The Family Name"
Fear - "Now Your Dead"
TMA - "What's For Dinner?"
Alberto Y Los Trios Paranoias - "Kill"
Avocado Baby - "Trouble Brewing"
B-52s - "Give Me Back My Man"
The Undertones - "My Perfect Cousin"
Sense Field - "Overstand"
Get Up Kids - "Alec Eiffel"
88 Fingers Louis - "Explanation"
Government Lies - "Did He Or Didn't He"
Art Brute - "Formed A Band"
Negativland - "Perfect Scrambled Eggs"

 Yer old pal Pappy fell down and couldn't get up for 37 hours but he's back and better medicated than ever! I pressed the buttons on my studded bracelet but none of them alerted an ambulance. Thankfully my lovely wife Annie Kissed (real name never asked), seen here with a random gutter yungin', ran out of bar money and stumbled home 'jes in time. She stepped over me a few times and kicked me in the head twice, but eventually my screams got her attention. Love (and my Social Security check) will keep us together.

The Butthole Surfers - "The Shah Sleeps In Lee Harvey's Grave"
Pussy Galore - "NYC 1999!"
Nine Pound Hammer - "Hayseed Timebomb"
Wall Of Voodoo - "The Passenger" (live)
Pony Up! - "The Truth About Dogs And Cats (Is That They Die)"
The Feelies - "Crazy Rhythms"
Life Without Buildings - "PS Exclusive"
The Government - "Hemingway (Hated Disco Music)"
The Chronics - "Test Tube Baby"
Conservatives - "Just Cuz - Nervous"
The Proletariat - "Death Of A Hedon"
The Pods - "Bleeding"
Ivor Biggun - "The Wanker Song"

 Pappy's medic, Dr. Vinnie Boombatz, told me I'm an alzaheimer or something similar like. For decades he's called me an alcoholic, so maybe I graduated to somethin' better. Hell, these symptoms have been the cornerstone of my personality since I was eleven and sniffin' paste at kiddie matinee shows at my daycare in Alphabet City. Some are born punk, some achieve punkness, and some have punkness thrust upon them. 'Ol Pappy hit the punk trifecta and he (that's me!) feels truly blessed. Mostly I thank the paste.

Foetus - "Dying With My Boots On"
Sugar - "JC Auto"
Wirtschaftswunder - "Die Parade"
Bad Manners - "Lorraine"
Rubber Rodeo - "Anywhere With You"
The Authorities - "I Hate Cops"
Sloppy Seconds - "Fifteen Minutes... Or It's Free"
The Descendents - "Sour Grapes"
Sludgeworth - "Someday"
Naked Raygun - "Home Of The Brave"
The Eat - "Communist Radio"
M.O.T.O. - "Crystallize My Penis"
Shecky Schpilkus - "Sex Mart 2000"

 [This is Pappy's doctor, Vinnie Boombatz, filling in for Pappy this week. Pappy is in the hospital after giving himself an emergency tracheotomy at a UK Subs show in Cleveland.  There was nothing wrong that required the procedure - the idiot just wanted to simultaneously smoke as he drank. He'll be back after another mandatory psychiatric evaluation and a few rounds of shock therapy. As a medical professional I do not condone either t

he Vindictives - "I Will Not (Section A and B)""
The Real McKenzies - "Mainland""
Fred Schneider - "Bulldozer""
I Refuse It - "Chocu Umeret (live)""
Inertia - "The Screen""
Television Personalities - "Part Time Punks""
Life Sentence - "Punks For Profit""
The Clash - "All The Young Punks (New Boots and Contracts)""
Kraut - "Matinee""
Garry Johnson - "Boy About Town""
The F--k Ups - "Bacon and Eggs""
Leather Nun - "No Rule""
The Residents - "Birthday Boy""

 Pappy's lost his will to live, again. It happens every month after I cash my disability check (work disables me) and drop it all on Pabst, Lotto, Camels and hair goop. They won't buy my blood no more 'cause it looks like used diesel oil and Pappy's too rickety to chase nickels like those damn crusty kidz with their heelys and partly functioning livers. I could go down to the doctoring school and be a training subject in their mangy animal dental class, but a coating of gum cheese like mine takes a long time to build up:

Pappy will be fine as long as there's restaurant dumpsters, large cardboard boxes and dollar store cough syrup, and of course the punk rock music. Pappy hopes, he sure do..

Seven Storey Mountain - "Politician"
Heart Attack - "Toxic Lullabye"
UK Subs - "Tomorrow's Girls"
Bladder Bladder Bladder - "Crime Pays"
The 4 Skins - "Plastic Gangsters"
Peter Tosh - "Stepping Razor"
Au Pairs - "Come Again (peel session)"
Bow Wow Wow - "C30, C60, C90, Go!"
Doo Rag - "Chuncked And Muddled"
Nick Cave - "Red Right Hand"
The Stranglers - "(Get A) Grip (On Yourself)"
Nick Lowe - "I Love The Sound Of Breaking Glass"
Art Bears - "Rats & Monkeys"

 Pappy's on the lam again from both Johnny Law and his wife Annie Kissed. I'd also recently taken out a payday loan from the street corner firm of Nunzio and Knuckles and they'd like a word with me too. Is it a crime to steal a loaf of bread to feed my starving family? Is not everything I want and need a basic human right? By loaf of bread I mean breaking into cars and and by starving family I mean my herbal medicines and related papers, pipes and bags of Doritos brand corn chips, but semantics is just another big word The Man uses to keep Pappy down. Annie's mad because I locked dentures with her baby sister Allie K. Holic, who looks good for her decades long descent into hell. She's only 37 years old. You can tell by counting the rings on her face:

If every person reading this gave their ol' pal Pappy one dollar he'd have six or seven of 'em, which won't save my legs from being broken but at least I'd maybe have some Night Train in me to soften the ride.

7 Seconds - "Racism Sucks"
The Offs - "Everyone's A Bigot"
Trenchmouth - "Hit Men Will Suffocate The City"
The Specials - "Man At C & A"
Menace - "C & A"
Maniac Youth - "Make Mine Molotov"
Big Boys - "Baby Let's Play God"
Tom Robinson - "Total Control"
The Speedies - "Let Me Take Your Photo"
Sewer Trout - "President Of The Anarchist Club"
XTC - "Complicated Game"
Theoretical Girls - "U.S. Millie"

 Pappy's not very original but he did come up with some ideas that almost caught on. Sl-ham Dancing was one. It involved pork and pork by-products. Then there was Stage II Diving - from the roof of the club. Broken bones were had by all. Good times, good times. Permed spikes. That was me. Used cigarette recycling? My green idea. I didn't invent vomiting all over myself in gutters and back alleys but I'd like to think I made them my own and added to the canon of punky self-destructive douchebaggery. My bride Annie Kissed invented skanking, not the dance but her way of life. Yep, yer old pal Pappy has led a long and creative life, and the future's so bright I gotta wear adult undergarments. Pappy suffers from spills and leaks. Yes he do.

Teenage Bottlerocket - "Bigger Than Kiss"
The McDonalds - "Miniature Golf"
The Gun Club - "Sex Beat"
The Paper Tulips - "We Never Close"
The Violators - "Gangland"
Action Pact - "London Bouncers"
The Anti-Nowhere League - "Streets Of London"
Jailhouse Recipes - "Forced"
Department S - "Is Vic There"
Dogs Die In Hot Cars - "Apples & Oranges"
Split Enz - "Never Ceases To Amaze Me"
Snatch - "All I Want"
Hybrid Kids - Punky And Porky  - "God Save The Lean - Pretty Bacon"

 Pappy thinks he forgot to remember something. Was it something important? Lessee... Bail wife from jail, again? Check. Stock up on adult pep pills for personal use and local distribution? Check. Knock over garbage cans all over town to hasten the demise of patriarchal capitalist oppression? Check. Perform the Crazy Old Prospector Dance for nickels outside the bus terminal? Check, check and check. Whatever it was, Pappy's sure it wasn't a biggie.

What's that officer? Why am I completely naked from the waist down? Damn!

Electric Frankenstein - "Demolition Joyride"
Operation Ivy - "Sound System"
The Untouchables - "Free Yourself"
Elvis Costello - "Let Them All Talk"
Joe Jackson - "I'm The Man"
D.I. - "Surfin' Anarchy"
Redd Kross - "Puss N Boots"
New Sweet Breath - "Avalanche"
AK - "The Badge Means You Suck"
Braille Party - "Welcome To Maryland"
Flash And The Pan - "Welcome To The Universe"
Tone Set - "Slim"
Blitzoids - "Fire On The Mountain"

 Pappy remembers when all punk 7"s cost $3 and six-band hardcore shows were 5 buckaroos. Pappy remembers when everyone looked both ways before crossing a pit and said "pardon me, gent" when cracking a stranger's head with an elbow when he weren't lookin'. When being a friend meant lending a few D batteries for the barely-working boom box that got us through cold nights drinking warm beer in the woods. Pappy remembers extending a hand to a friend - sure, mostly to steal his s--t, but also to pick him up after stage-diving headfirst. We believed in something, that America's punk scum clubs were shining cities upon a hill and its citizens more than their glaring failures and anti-social pathologies. Much more. Our American punk dream died with Kennedy. Phil "Scabby" Kennedy. He's the only one of us who had a car.

Volcano Suns - "Jak"
The Lunachicks - "Jerk Of All Trades"
Buck - "Hex Me"
The Dils - "You're Not Blank"
Atomic Boy - "Time Bomb"
The Dropkick Murphys - "Barroom Heroes"
For Sale - "Hanging By A Thread"
Meat Joy - "Matthew 10:36"
Beat Happening - "Our Secret"
I, Ludicrous - "Preposterous Tales"
Jilted John - "Jilted John (LP version)"
Airship - "Get Out And Take Your Mother With You"
Barchen Und Die Milchbubis - "Ich Will Nicht Alter Werden"

 Pappy's been in a self-induced coma for the past two weeks. Good thing I was sitting on the toilet the whole time and have the metabolism of a turtle. Did I miss anything?

The Didjits - "Dad"
The Business - "Out In The Cold"
The Urinals - "Ack Ack Ack Ack"
Swell Maps - "Read About Seymour"
The Fall - "Bingo Masters Breakout"
Killing Joke - "Requiem"
Dark Day - "Nudes In The Forest"
Thomas Dolby - "Europa And The Pirate Twins" (alt. version)
Young Marble Giants - "Searching For Mr. Right"
The Hated - "Knocking On Your Door"
Bikini Kill - "Capri Pants"
The Electric Eels - "Agitated"
Black Velvet Flag - "Institutionalized"

 Pappy's been thinking. You can stop laughing. Pappy's got the mind of a man half his age. Horrible injured and malnourished maybe, but still sharp as a, uh, what's that thing they use to tack things up? Anyhows I was thinking how this bad economy has affected yer ol' pal me. The bastards are cutting off my unemployment after 1,196 weeks. There's less spare change on the ground so me and my barely tolerated ones are suffering. The food bank is a slam pit these days so Pappy has an advantage there. Things are so bad there's not even the usual backwash in open beers I find on the street. I've been looking for work but luckily I always sees it in time and hide until it's gone. I contribute what I can (nothing) and expect only what I need (everything). Isn't that the American Dream? The Agnostic Fronts once screamed, "There's no justice, there's just us." Pappy thinks "Us" means "You" should give "Me" stuff. Now THAT'S the American Dream! Isn't this supposed to be the land of the free? For me, Pappy?

David Bowie - "Panic In Detroit"
The Smiths - "Shakespeare's Sister"
Soul Asylum - "Religiavision"
Agent Orange - "Bloodstains" (Darkness Version)
The Jetsons - "Genetically Stupid"
Johnny & The Self Abusers - "Saints And Sinners"
Kursaal Flyers - "Television Generation"
Liliput - "Die Matrosen"
Klark Kent - "Away From Home"
Fischer Z - "Going Deaf For A Living"
The Migraines - "Start Procrastinating"
Detention - "Dead Rockers" (live)
Jah Division - "Dub Will Tear Us Apart"

 As is my way, the other day Pappy (that's me!) was dispensing his usual sage advice to random punky youth as loudly and incoherently as he could when he (me) was told to, and I quote, "Take a nap grandpa". First alls, that's MISTER grandpa to you, and seconds of all, pappy loves naps. How can you insult me with something I loves? You might as well tell me to take a large bowel movement (I wish!) or soak my dentures, which I really should do anyways and thankee very much for the reminder.....what was I talking about again?... That's right, pudding. Yer old pal Pappy Punk loves pudding.

Snufflex - "Shut Up & Gimme"
The Cosmopolitans - "How To Keep Your Husband Happy"
Crash Course In Science - "Cakes In The Home"
Artificial Peace - "Artificial Peace"
ISM - "I Think I Love You"
Isocracy - "Hippie Man"
Sig Transit Gloria - "Please Die, Valentine"
Planes Mistaken For Stars - "Copper & Stars"
At The Drive In - "Star Slight"
Basement 5 - "The Last White Christmas"
Sisters Of Mercy & Ofra Haza - "Temple Of Love"
The Yachts - "Yachting Type"
Max Wall - "England's Glory"

 Where was I... oh yeah. Yer 'ol pal yours truly, unbeknownst to hisself, cleaned his glasses with tissues filled with lotion, coating the lenses with goo and making everything look milky and glary. I screamed "I got the cataracts!" and reached for my first aid kit of back alley vicodin and Tenefly Viper. Three days later I woke up in the worst part of East St. Louis, by which I mean to say East St. Louis. As I had twelve dollars and thirty cent in my pocket I was voted mayor of East Boogie where I ruled the wasteland with a mangled, rickety fist for two days until Cisco went under. Not the computin' company but the wine I bought to keep my subject's minds all milky and glary like my glasses. I skedaddled home hobo style in time for the Subhumans show at the veteran's home laundry room. And that's how I became King Of Punk and saved X-Moose, the straight edge reindeer, from a life of sobri

Husker Du - "From The Gut"
Moving Targets - "Less Than Gravity"
Black Randy and the Metro Squad - "Sperm Bank Baby"
Killer Pussy - "Teenage Enema Nurse In Bondage"
Crispy Ambulance - "Deaf"
Velocity Girl - "Sorry Again"
Dimestore Haloes - "Hate My Generation"
The Beltones - "Juvenile Delinquent"
Manic Hispanic - "If The Vatos Are United"
Suicidal Tendencies - "Suicide's An Alternative - You'll Be Sorry"
Articles Of Faith - "Up Against The Wall"
The Apers - "Put Down The Hamburger"
Rasputina - "Rasputina Rock And Roll"

 I woke up this afternoon bright and early for my cup of court-mandated decaf and something crunchy I found in the couch before hitting the streets for my daily run. I never intend to run but most days I get caught and therefore I skeedaddle. The Man's always trying to keep the old punk man down. But not Pappy! I may gots the lumbago, neuralgia, gout, arthritis, diabetes, osteoporosis, and progressive supranuclear palsy (and that's only the ones my alzheimer's lets me remember!), but if there's one thing I have going for me is scamper power. That and a debilitating body odor. What they remember most is my staccato cackle as I distract 'em with the old prospector's dance before hobbling away double time. Being me is a full time job, but somebody's gotta do it!

Minor Threat - "12XU"
Wire - "Ex Lion Tamer"
Gang Of Four - "I Found That Essence Rare"
Not Sensibles - "I'm In Love With Margaret Thatcher"
Morris And The Minors - "Emily"
Patrick Fitzgerald - "Buy Me, Sell Me"
Mojo Nixon and Skid Roper - "Jesus At McDonald's At Midnight"
Horror Planet - "It Wasn't The Fleas"
US Chaos - "We Got The Weapons"
Hot Water Music - "God Deciding"
Four Letter Word - "Unconditional"
The Bangles - "Hero Takes A Fall"
Die Idole - "Helden" (cover of Bowie's "Heroes")

 I'm as mad as a crusty punk pushed into a tub of soapy water. I didn't know refusing to work or pay taxes while demanding everything I want be given to me by the society I claim to want no part of was a real live political movement. I didn't know I was a freedom fighter and an intellactual, an interlectural... I mean super smart person! But that's me, Pappy!  Gandhi ain't got crap over yours truly! Ha!!

I was squinting at the intervision box at the library yesterday and between furious sessions of "Me Time" Pappy found this patch for sale:

Then I found this essay from Bob Black, who I swear I've seen on every short bus that's ever driven by. He was sent a "bomb" made out of five firecrackers? Then he called the cops? An anarchist did this? Pappy's excuse is laziness, repeated brain trauma and alcohol poisoning. If I had enough book smarts to make up this much convoluted BS I'd be using it to make some real money, not just pity money welfare and sticking my fingers into the return slot of vending machines.

The Weirdos - "Destroy All Music"
The Necros - "IQ 32"
Sweet Baby - "She's From Salinas"
The Fondled - "Wouldn't Want To Be Your Girl"
Radio Birdman - "New Race"
Tenpole Tudor - "Real Fun"
Love Of Diagrams - "Trouble"
Cowboys International - "Thrash"
Fashion - "Sodium Pentothal Negative"
Wazmo Nariz - "Checking Out The Checkout Girl"
The Merton Parkas - "Tears Of A Clown"
Desmond Dekker - "King Of Ska" (1964 version)
Armitage Shanks - "Are 'Friends' Electric"

 For me it's Day 6 of Occupy Wall Street in New York City. After camping out a week with the Wall Street bums of Toledo, a kindly gent with two front teeth and a fedora told me the real action was to go east old man, so there's I went. I've never seen this many hippies, trustafarians, private school millionaire's kids, union goons, paid protestors, anarchists, addicts, sex fiends and tin foil paranoids since the 2008 DNC convention. Pappy felt so at home he (me!) soiled himself. Sadly Pappy feels at home with alarming regularity these days. Anyhoot, I've never been so happy. I'm copping feels, feeling cops, sharing other people's belongings, dancing for pennies, projectile vomiting to great acclaim, and generally being me as an expression of the zeitgeist of these existential times. I've lived my entire life thinking nobody wanted everything handed to him for nothing and to punish everyone who tries not to be a total parasitic loser as much as I do. I was wrong. As a society we truly are f--ked. Pappy and the roaches will prevail. Yes we will.

The Angry Samoans - "They Saved Hitler's Cock"
Marginal Man - "Artificial Peace"
U2 - "Boy Girl"
The Lyres - "Help You Anne"
Rancid - "Maxwell Murder"
Five Iron Frenzy - "Beautiful America"
Editors - "All Sparks"
Le Tigre - "Deceptacon"
No Trend - "Tear You Apart"
Red Zebra - Don't Put Your Head In A Bucket"
Mick Farren - "Let's Loot The Supermarket Again (Like We Did Last Summer)"
The Ramones - "Touring"
John Cale - "Paris 1919"

 Pappy's been occupying everywhere until he's been forced to leave by mobs of patchouli stenched vegans and defective rich white kids with trust funds and the complete Apple line of consumer electronics. I've only been practicing their mottos of "(Other People's) Property Is Theft", Poop Where The Day Takes You, I Don't Wanna Work I Wanna Bang On My Pickle Bucket All Day, and Love Is Free, even if it's the kind of involuntary "tough love" practiced but not preached. Maybe Pappy's "too real", too honest and too sociopathic for those who live life as theory but run for the hills when the poop literally hits the fan (sorry, I wasn't looking where I was doing my business) and spreads the truth over a two mile radius. I do feel this woman's pain. I have a 3rd grade equivalency diploma and nobody will hunt me down to offer $20 an hour for whatever I feel like doing whenever I feel like doing it:

The Jam - "Start"
Bad Religion - "Anesthesia"
The Bollweevils - "Repeat"
Scream - "Ultra Violence - Screamin'"
Amy And The Angels - "I Hate Being In Love"
The Barracudas - "Summer Fun"
Go Team - "Huddle Formation"
Link Wray - "Jack The Ripper"
The Rezillos - "Somebody's Gonna Get Their Head Kicked In Tonight"
The Partisans - "I Never Need You"
The Pretenders - "Mystery Achievement"
The Vapors - "Sixty Second Interval"
Spooky Dance - "Spooky Dance" (special Halloween treat for the kiddies)

 Pappy’s finally home after stopping off at a few more Occupy Yeah Whatevers to stock up on drugs, gourmet food and donated funds. It was getting too crazy even for yer ol’ Pappy Punk, who don’t mind playing Touch & Go with the ladies but wanted no part of the carnivals of sexual assault they had going on at the various Mortvilles that make up Occupy Yeah Whatever. I didn’t know it was possible to act out Lord Of The Flies, Animal House, Animal Farm and Goonies all at the same time, but these waste by-products of middle and upper class white families were up to the (mentally) challenge(d). Pappy knows he’s a loser and that’s part of my charm. These snowflakes are all winners and they’re demanding prizes for being special, each and every one. As Pappy learned a looong time ago, scream therapy isn’t therapeutic if half your mind is stuck at age five.

The F--k Ups - "Bacon And Eggs"
Blurt - "The Fish Needs A Bike
The Celibate Rifles - "Jesus On TV"
Big In Japan - "Dig That Stupid Sound"
The Blank Students - "Background Music"
Girl Trouble - "The Track"
Fingerprintz - "Going, Going, Gone"
The Bush Tetras - "Too Many Creeps"
The Adicts - "Chinese Takeaway"
The Beatnik Termites - "Ode To Suzie And Joey"
Kevin Short - "Punk Strut"
The Waitresses - "No Guilt"
Laurie Anderson - "Let X=X"

 Pappy’s settled back at home after fighting the good hissy fit against capitalization, hegemoninity, sexyism, state-sponsored hygiene, and welfare benefit disparity. I accomplished all my goals - to be seen and obscene, to scream and be moved away from, and to sociopath socialize with my fellow hu-persons in a utopian zumanity where all are equal in the eyes of the flying spaghetti evolve tuna. My new friend Sheila is still up that tree because she knows the Boneskull Illuminazi Cheapmason Templar Bilderburger Opie Taylor Dei Greys will kidnap her again and probe her for her precious"1 DEAS". Yugo girl! If Pappy had human emotions he'd be cryin' fer ya!

Anyhoot, Pappy rushed home to fill out the paperwork so he can gets the free money from the gubmint's newest program to reward failure - The Americans With No Abilities Act. It's like they knew my vote was for sale.

Washington, DC November 2, 2011, – The Obama Administration is urging Congress and the Senate to pass sweeping legislation that will provide new benefits for many Americans: The Americans With No Abilities Act (AWNAA). President Obama says he will sign it as soon as it hits his desk.

The AWNAA is being hailed as a major legislative goal by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills or ambition.

‘Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society,’ said California Senator Barbara Boxer. ‘We can no longer stand by and allow People of Inability to be ridiculed and passed over. With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special favors to a small group of workers, simply because they have some idea of what they are doing. We are legalizing another protected class of Americans.’

In a Capitol Hill press conference, House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D) and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D) pointed to the success of the US Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance. Private-sector industries with good records of nondiscrimination against the Inept include retail sales (72%), the airline industry (68%), and home improvement ‘warehouse’ stores (65%). At the state government level, the Department of Motor Vehicles also has an excellent record of hiring Persons of Inability (a whopping 83%).

Under The Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million ‘middle man’ positions will be created, with important-sounding titles but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of purpose and performance.

Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given so as to guarantee upward mobility for even the most inept employees. The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations that promote a significant number of Persons of Inability into middle-management positions, and gives a tax credit to small and medium-sized businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for every two talented hires.

Finally, the AWNAA contains tough new measures to make it more difficult to discriminate against the Non-abled, banning, for example, discriminatory interview questions such as, ‘Do you have any skills or experience that relate to this job?’

‘As a Non-abled person, I can’t be expected to keep up with people who have something going for them,’ said Ken Cox, who lost his position as a $70 dollars an hour lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint , Michigan , due to his inability to remember ‘righty tightie, lefty loosey.’ ‘This new law should be real good for people like me,’ Cox added. With the passage of this bill, Cox and millions of other untalented citizens will finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Said Senator Dick Durbin (D-IL): ‘As a Senator with no abilities, I believe the same privileges that elected officials enjoy ought to be extended to every American with no abilities. It is our duty as lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her inadequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this great nation and a good salary for doing so.’

Senator Shaheen (D-NH) elaborated that these are same rights that are currently extended to US Congressmen & Women , US Senators and the current President and Vice President.

9395 - "Ten Witches"
The Stains - "Sick And Crazy"
Stalag 13 - "Selfish"
The Adolescents - "Richard Hung Himself " (demo)
The Suburban Lawns - "Janitor" (live)
The Barbies - "Boys Will Be Boys"
Sleater-Kinney - "I Wanna Be Your Joey Ramone"
Man Sized Action - "Replica"
The Mekons - "Never Been In A Riot"
Eddie & The Hotrods - "Do Anything You Wanna Do"
Jimmy Cliff - "The Harder They Come"
The Ethiopians - "Train To Skaville"
Der Kunftige Musikant - "La Luna"

 Pappy's not a dumb man. At least I don't think so, but I'm no rocket surgeon, and can seventeen social workers and every known standardized test be wrong? Somebody read this article to me and it made me wish I didn't go to community college just to steal antenna balls and eat from the dumpster buffet. I'd learn even bigger words than Joanna R. Davis knows so I can write something just as dumber. Can punks grow old gracefully? Of course they can, just take a gander at yer ol' pal Pappy Punk as the last sketch artist captured me on a bum B&E rap:

She also wrote a Master's thesis on public breast-feeding. Can you really be a Doctor if all you do is take basic, boring subjects and fancy them up like they mean more than rocks and dirt? I needs me some grant money so I can write a paper on the two-tier hierarchies of the standers and sitters at my bus stop. It'll blow the lid off this societal Jonestown Holocaust Apartheid injustice system I endure on a regular-like basis.

Raw Power - "F--k Authority"
Cereal Killer - "Knife"
Padded Cell - -"Different Shades Of Blue"
The Cars - "Funtime"
The Causey Way - "The Smartest Employee"
Camper Von Beethoven - "Take The Skinheads Bowling"
Citizen Fish - "Habit"
Blondie - "X Offender"
Budget Girls - "Tickle Bee"
Cherry Vanilla - "Amanda (Paradise)"
Modern Warfare - "Out Of My Head"
John Cooper Clarke - "Health Fanatic"
Chris Wind - "The Government Is Coming To Town"

The Feederz - "Jesus" (alt version)
The Automatics - "Hate Your Generation"
Kill Allen Wrench - "My Bitch Is A Junkie"
The Middle Class - "Out Of Vogue"
Pinhead Gunpowder - "Losers Of The Year"
Alien Sex Fiend - "Dead And Buried"
The Nils - "Daylight"
The Wedding Present - "Getting Nowhere Fast"
Any Trouble - "(Get You Off) The Hook"
Martha And The Muffins - "Women Around The World At Work"
Mi-Sex - "Computer Games"
The Selecter - "Too Much Pressure" (live)
Ex-Girl - "Solid States Kerock 'N' Roll"

 What's today? Saturday? And the year? 2012!? It's next year already? Am I still in Cleveland? Oh, hell. I woke up in the morgue this afternoon when they started to slice me open for an autopsy. Living the punk rock death march lifestyle I do leads to these misunderstandings when I drink myself into suspended animation. I've made medical examiners and pathologists crap themselves in six states, three provinces and one temporary dictatorship. I wear a medical alert punk pin on my leather jacket that reads "May just appear dead. Please check to be sure", but do they? No. My natural body odor has been described as "decomposing". That's good, right? I admit I haven't aged well, but check out my friend Clony. Lookin' good Clony! See ya' at the next crustfest.

The Clean - "Beatnik"
The Sound - "Hothouse"
The Nails - "88 Lines About 44 Women"
The Suspects - "Catfish"
MDC - "John Wayne Was A Nazi"
Cletus - "Beer"
The Mighty Giordinis - "Rock N Roll Therapy"
Chuzpe - "Chinese Chive"
Julian Cope - "World Shut Your Mouth"
Teenage Frames - "We Hate It When We're Disrespected"
Tights - "Bad Hearts"
Tones On Tail - "Go!"
Copycat Massacre - "If Eye Was A Pirate"

  "Sex Pistols' Drawings as Important as Paleolithic Art?" Wuh?! Pappy knew Johnny Rotten was old but this is ridiculous! He don't look a day over a million. Paleolithic? Don't that mean pale and thick? Sounds like Johnny all right. Couldn't they have just said Really Really F--king Old? My social worker tried explaining it to me but I fight learning like hippies repel soap. Good for Johnny being taken seriously during his present profession of butter salesman.

And You Will Know Us... - "Days Of Being Wild"
Kill Sybil - "Broken Back"
AKA - "645 Dog"
Half Japanese - "US Teens Are Spoiled Bums"
The Pagans - "Six And Change"
Pop Will Eat Itself - "Orgone Accumulator"
Los Reactors - "Dead in The Suburbs"
Atom And His Package - "Going To Georgia"
Wire Train - "Chamber Of Hellos"
The New Pornographers - "Mass Romantic"
The Raincoats - "Lola"
Toots & The Maytals - "Sweet And Dandy"
Ren & Stimpy - "Happy Happy Joy Joy"

 Regrets? I've had a few... thousand. I should have stayed in grade school. I shouldn't always do the exact opposite of what the warning label says. I never should have gone down to the basement. I never should have had this haircut in 1982:

I should have had that free vasectomy offered by various judges and parole officers:

I shouldn't have married the first woman I had something in common with:

Or allow THIS to happen:

Mostly though, I regret getting caught when I do something horribly wrong.

Lou Reed - "Intro - Sweet Jane" (live)
PJ Harvey - "Rid Of Me"
Desperate Bicycles - "Smokescreen"
2x4s - "The Bridgeport Lathes"
The Replacements - "I Will Dare"
Hemlock - "Systematic Waste"
Adrenalin O.D. - "Old People Talk Loud"
Suicide - "Ghost Rider"
Kirsty MacColl - "They Don't Know"
Peter Murphy - "Cuts You Up"
Bill Nelson's Red Noise - "Revolt Into Style"
The Ejected - "East End Kids"
Thee Stash - "We're Selling Jeans For The U.S.A."

 Pappy's mood ring indicates if moods could kill you'd already be dead. Twice. But you still owe me that ten dollars I almost lent you back on '06.

Dog Faced Hermans - "Wings"
Dutronic - "Et Moi, Et Moi, Et Moi"
The Wall - "Exchange"
The Buzzcocks - "Boredom"
Stiffs, Inc. - "Chelsea"
Dag Nasty - "One To Two"
Furious George - "Betty Crocker, Punk Rocker"
Face To Face - "Fight Or Flight"
The Bongos - "In The Congo"
The Nerves - "When She Finds Out"
After The Fire - "Las Love" (demo)
Wayne County - "F--k Off"
Y Pants - "Favorite Sweater"

 Someone said I put the "bum" in "bumming for change". I resemble that statement. I prefer to think of myself as a Hobosexual. I didn't choose this life. It chose me! Then it bent me over and has been steering me around all these years via violent thrusts. But let's talk about happy things, like can you spare some change so I can get my lower dentures out of hock? What they say about chewing your food half-way is true!

Joey Ramone - "I Got Knocked Down (But I'll Get Up)"
Prostitutes - "Suicide is Fun"
Red Rockers - "Guns Of Revolution"
The New Bomb Turks - "This Place Sucks"
The Mr. T Experience - "Marine Recruiter"
Crippled Pilgrims - "Black And White"
Oingo Boingo - "Only A Lad"
Tugboat Annie - "Stay Inside"
Chocolate USA - "100 Feet Tall"
The Pogues - "White City"
Wreckless Eric - "Take The Cash"
The Who - "The Punk And The Godfather"
49 Americans - "Beat Up Russians"

 Does yer 'ol pal Pappy Punk have a pappy? Sure he do! Pappy's pappy's name is Slappy Pappy, and he looks happy even when he feels crappy. As he's never worked he's not retired, but tripping people down subway stairs with his walker keeps him middle age at heart.

Pappy's mammy's name was named Ethel. This is her back in 1966, contemplating the impending horror of the next year's Summer Of Love. She either invented goth or morbid obesity. I forget. She punched like a longshoreman but she made sure her boy (me!) always had a squat roof over his head and enough free 7-11 condiments to eat. She was hit by a train, derailing it and killing 24. She never did like doing anything alone.

Gang Green - "Sold Out"
The Arrivals - "Bottle Song"
The Strokes - "Hard To Explain"
Boris The Sprinkler - "(She Loves My) New Wave Records"
The Boomtown Rats - "She's So Modern"
Bratmobile - "Eating Toothpaste"
Pylon - "The Human Body"
Jone Lewie - "You'll Always Find Me In The Kitchen At Parties"
The Sex Pistols - "Black Arabs"
Martin Dupont - "I Met The Beast"
Our Daughter's Wedding - "Target For Life"
The Odd Numbers - "Autumn Leaves"
Neville Wanker And The Punters - "Boys On The Dole"

 Pappy found five dollars lying on the street. I was lying on the street on a breezy day when all's a sudden a fiver smacks me on the forehead. I did what I normally do when the cops find me - I tucked into a ball and waited for the worst. A hour later - nothing! I slowly uncurled like an armadillo. Five dollars free and clear. Invest or spend, invest or spend. Fortified wine now or lottery scratchers for the future... hhmmm. I bought a ticket on the Night Train to Bumtown to ask my financial planner, Fisty Joe, his sage advice:

Fisty Joe Advises Against Long Term Investments In
Municipal Bonds In Blue Rust Belt States

Joe told me to shaddup and listen good. Then he got close and whispered in my ear with breathe that could kill the dead, "meeeyaaahehhhhoooowhoyarrrrgh". 36 cents worth of high-tech penny stocks it was, and a bottle of top shelf wine at the dollar store. As I had crawled in and was still on the ground the top shelf was actually the second from the bottom.

The Kinks - "Prince Of The Punks"
Pegboy - "Superstar"
The Dwarves - "Dominator"
DRI - "Money Stinks"
X-Ray Spex - "Identity"
The Slits - "Typical Girls"
Body Count - "Bull In A China Shop"
On Parole - "Condemned"
The Phenomenauts - "Make A Circuit With Me"
Kraftwerk - "The Hall Of Mirors"
Jim Carroll - "I Want The Angel"
Suddenly, Tammy! - "Hard Lesson"
Legs Akimbo! - "Got To Get My Legs Out Of Bed"

 Yer ol' pal Pappy's feeling reflective today, and it's not just the layers of sweat and oil that coat my flesh like gravy on a biscuit. No, of late Pappy's had plenty of time to think - being incarcerated, again, on a trumped up urinating all over myself in public charge. I was thinking... then I forgot. Then I remembered I was forgetting something again. Oh yeah, about the past... weep woop weep woop...

About all the beautiful women I didn't have the courage to say hello to

About the one true love I let get away

About my parent's divorce over hair goop

But hell, who wants to dwell on the past when the future looks so possibly not completely horrible maybe? Who am I kidding. They asked me to pose for this statue and I was promised they'd just make me look a few years older. I look a lot older! Whoa is Pappy. What's that urine smell? Oh damn!

The Meatmen - "Lesbian Death Dirge"
Bad Brains - "Sailin' Away"
The Maggots - "Let's Get Tammy Wynette"
The Epoxies - "Synthesized"
The Soviettes - "#1 Is Number Two"
The Neats - "Six"
The Units - "Cannibals"
Bpeople - "Weather To Worry"
The Adorkables - "The Evil Dead"
Rudi - "Big Time"
The Aces - "One Way Street"
The Rev - "Tiny, Tinny Radio"
Intrinsic Action - "Sado-Electronics"

 On Memorial Day yer ol' pal Pappy Punk salutes the men, women, and farm animals who have sacrificed their lives so that I (me!) can be lazy, shiftless, and generally a pimple on the ass of this great nation I leach off of as a social services parasite, repressed master class victim, and overall ne'er-do-well. Pappy ain't too bright but he knows he wouldn't do well in a rich, white American hippie socialist paradise like North Korea, China, or Russia. The freebies are almost nothing and they'd probably make me dig ditches or remove my internal organs for resale.

Thank you for your service.

Now it's back to drinking 99 cent store mouthwash and dumpster diving at White Castle. No reason to change my routine completely!

Lena Lovich - "Home"
The Humans - "I Live In The City""
Tres - "Moving Her Hands"
Red Buckets - Something Else Again"
The Clones - "Conform To The Norm"
Backseat Virgins - "Food"
The Huntingtons - "Annie's Anorexic"
The Hanson Brothers - "You Can't Hide The Heino"
Zero Boys - "Civilization's Dying"
Marshall Crenshaw - "Someday, Someway"
The Promise Ring - "B Is For Bethlehem"
Junior Murvin - "Police And Theives"
Inflatable Boy Clams - "Skeletons"

 Yep, it's summertime here at Pappy Central, and I've decided to go on a vacation from doing abso-fugg-lutely nothing the rest of the year. I'll still be doing plenty of nothing - paid for by one percenters be they McDonalds workers with greasy hands or fat CEOs who eat foie gras with their stubby, greasy hands. I give back with the me-ness that is me! I do enough just by still taking this crap from The Man and The Woman. "Get a job"... this is my job, lady, hobbling after you, screaming like an animal with tusks for change while I paw at your sleeve with my pus-spewing claw of a left hand! Think I'll walk into the nearest river and see where the currents take me. Here's my tour guide! Anywhere except Tennessee. I stole a tuxedo there once but they didn't appreciate my old-timey ironic sense of humor.

Rats Of Unusual Size - "Can't Call You"
Plow - "Timmy Is An Arsonist"
Nubs - "Job"
Twister - "It's A Dog's Life"
Velvet Crush - "Walking Out On Love"
The Teardrop Explodes - "Ha Ha, I'm Drowning"
Legal Weapon - "Daddy's Gone Mad"
Graven Image - "My World"
Pere Ubu - "Postcard"
Dale Jenkins - "Article Two"
Andy - "You're Wondering Now"
Unsteady - "You Broke My Saxophone"
Billy Bragg - "Walk Away Renee"

 Pappy's in tha shazizzle... (8 minute pause) I meant to say the Sizzler Steak House. I been slurring my words since slamming nail polish remover shots at the Hardcore Hobo show over by the railroad tracks behind the Piggly Wiggly. 13 was my unlucky number. Every song was about trains. Here at the Shaziller flarg numbin... (5 minute pause) place I'm washing dishes for whatever I can eat off plates. Like my hee-ro Dishwasher Pete 'cept I'm hopin' to get fired from every restaurant in a ten mile radius, 'cept of course the ones within 500 feet of schools, playgrounds, health clubs and Payday Loan stores. You'd be amazed at the quality gumbo that forms at the bottom of sinks.

The Psychedelic Furs - "Pulse"
Trash Groove Girls - "Trash Beat"
Komputer - "The Perfect Pop Band"
Really Red - "Prostitution"
Jackshit - "Foreign Aid"
DOA - "New Age"
The Ruts - "Babylon's Burning"
The Rakes - "22 Grand Job"
The Stooges - "I Wanna Be Your Dog"
Warren Zevon - "Exitable Boy"
Attila - "Andy Is A Corporatist"
Claudette - "Queen Of The World"
The Systematics - "Pulp Baby"

 Can I hear you now? Can I hear you now? Of course I can!, now that I been fitted for a set of hearing aids through one of the social pity programs I take advantage of like it's free because it is. For years I thought hearing aids was a disease, but it ain't! They're little speakers you shove in your head and now everything my wife yells at me is crystal clear........ Why did I get these things again?

Destroy All Monster - "November 22, 1963"
Pink Section - "Midsummer New York"
Gymslips - "Barbara Cartland"
The Jags - "Back Of My Hand"
The Dickies - "Help Me Ann"
The Riverdales - "Plan 13"
Mission Of Burma - "Dumbells"
The Associates - "Boys Keep Swinging"
Subway Thugs - "The Meddler"
Thee Headcoats - "(We Hate The F--kin') NME"
The Crack - "Making The Effort"
The Lurkers - "Ain't Got A Clue"
The Fools - "Psycho Chicken"

 Happy Labor Day, the only day of the year yer ol' pal Pappy Punk works! I do what little I can -- and by little I mean barely nothing. Today I'm a lab rat at the ACME drive-thru medical school in Bayonne, NJ. They're draining and replacing the chunky used motor oil that's my blood, scraping off the top layers of mold from my teeth, trimming the bunions on my big toes and thumbs, taking a weed wacker to the dead wires some call my hair, and wrangling as many critters that live in my nooks and crannies as tweezers can do. They tells me I'm a boon to mortuary science, whatever that is, 'cause for five bucks and half a baloney sandwich they say they get a corpse that delivers itself and doesn't need refrigeration.

Skin Flutes - "Straight Edge Song"
The Queers - "I Only Drink Bud"
The Hypnotics - "Weird People"
Polysics - "Hot Stuff"
Rational Youth - "Cobolid Race"
Altered Images - "I Could Be Happy"
The Monochrome Set - "Monochrome Set (I Presume)"
The Members - "The Sound Of The Suburbs"
The Chameleons UK - "Here Today"
Weezer - "Surf Wax America"
Southern Death Cult - "Fatman"
Baba Brooks - "Girl's Town Ska"
Blotto - "I Wanna Be A Lifegaurd"

 Jumping Jehoshaphat it's been hot lately! How hot? Do I look like a thermo-meter to you, sonny? Of course not. I look like every anti-drug, drink, and smoking poster stacked on top of each other until they vaporize. It's been so hot lately I saw a chicken laying an omelet. Two trees fought over a dog. I took a bath. That's how hot it were! When I first sat in the tub the clean water jumped out for dear life but eventually it accepted its doom and mingled with the top layers of my natural coating of skunk puss and dismal failure. Normals like I don't like my skin to breathe - next thing it'll ask for nutrition! But, my protective armor of negligence was trapping my body heat. Not like global warming but thermonuclear meltdown. Now I can feel air hitting me (strange) and because of my runoff every pipe in the system of my squat is clear of whatever carbuncles were clogging them. Sadly, the local sewage

Joe King Carrasco - "Party Weekend"
The Violent Femmes - "Add It Up" (demo version)
The Comsat Angels - "Missing In Action"
Impatient Youth- "Praise The Lord & Pass The Ammunition"
Prole - "Generation Landslide"
SOA - "Gonna Hafta Fight"
Stiff Little Fingers - "Tin Soldiers"
Organ - "Brother"
Dancing Cigarettes - "Burn In Heaven"
Dead Can Dance - "Ullyses"
The Travoltas - "Beautiful Plastic"
I.U.D. - "Precious"

Time 'fer Pappy to fess up - as part of my parole agreement! I was away these past weeks at the Skid Row Men's Correctional Facility, constructed almost entirely out of Odor Eaters. Seems I'm the Thanksgiving Bandit that's been terrorizing the post-industrial wasteland of Detroit. Maybe not terrorize exactly, more like greatly annoy. In late November I was shuffling up to passersby weaker, older, and slower than myself and asking if they could spare some change. If they pulled out some coins I'd grab them all and cackle "Thanks (fer) Giving (Me Yer Money)!!" while scampering away like a puppet with rotten rubber bands for strings. Five victims and 46 cents later Johnny Law caught up with me after a tense chase where he walked and I mostly wheezed and stumbled. Damn you The Punk Rock Lifestyle!

Doggy Style - "Donut Shop Rock"
The Alley Cats - "Nothing Means Nothing Anymore"
The Vibrators - "Keep It Clean"
The Fiendz - "Be My Girl"
Transgressions - "I Wanna Be Your Christian Slater"
Sicko - "Escape Velocity"
The 101'ers - "Keys To Your Heart"
Neo Boys - "Dirty White Lies"
Delta 5 - "You"
The Dictators - "(I Live For) Cars And Girls"
They Might Be Giants - "Particle Man"
Stereolab - "We're Not Adult Oriented"
NES - Duck Tales - "The Moon"

 Merry Holidays everyone, and too all a good-bye, Pappy's shutting down the shop, cause he wants to stay high. And all through the squat, not a whimper was heard, not a snorgle, not a sneezle, not a snargle or a snerd. Nobody cared, and didn't care they didn't care, so I'm moving to Bumtown, where the police are rare, and the dumpsters are stacked high, with half-eaten food and whiskey bottles not dry, and I bid you all adieu, and a hearty kiss my wrinkled white ass.

Eat The Rich - "Bored"
Alkaline Trio - "Lead Poisoning"
For Science - ""Even"
Iron Cross - "New Breed"
The Pointed Sticks - "Out f Luck"
Screaming Bamboo - "No One's Home"
Electralane - "On Parade"
Popguns - "Waiting For The Winter"
Ikara Colt - "May B 1 Day #1"
Tears For Fears - "The Hurting"
Attila The Stockbroker - "Willie Whitelaws Willie"
Ken Boothe - "Arte Bella"
Renaldo and The Loaf - "Lime Jelly Grass"

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